dampsandwich:

do NOT say “piss fucker” on the internet. its highly illegal. so illegal that the FBI will show up to your house and ki

(via sluttyoliveoil)

psychoticmist:

if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

(via thedumbestshitever)

ewoksandwrackspurts:

I wish self-esteem campaigns would focus less on “everyone is beautiful” and more on “who the fuck cares if you are beautiful or not”

(via stophatingyourbody)

hoodrach:

wartortles:

im thirsty i could sure go for a nice glass of sex right about now

(via oh-the-hilarity)

eveningowl:

im-deadpool-god-dammit:

I love how majestic the bald eagle looks from the side

but from straight on it just looks scared and confused

#literally exactly like america

(via oh-the-hilarity)

(via mystandards)

sixtafoua:

I’m not thirsty, I’m D-hydrated

(via feistie)

psychoticpingouins:

48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.

(via youareanincompoop)

housewifeswag:

you know when youre having sex with a dude, or giving him head, and he whispers fuuuck

yeah thats probably one of the greatest moments in life

(Source: getcrunkonmyjunk, via penishole)

(Source: alligood, via penishole)

witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

(via penishole)

m-eg:

how do some people describe how they’re feeling so easily i can’t even order mcdonalds without fucking up

(via madturbating)

(Source: deanpendragon, via madturbating)

(Source: random-bands-and-stuff, via oh-the-hilarity)

lets-have-awkward-sex:

mickjaggerstinytodger:

*gets the urge to delete all my social network accounts, drop out of school and live in the woods*

you can’t just thoreau your life away like that

(via feistie)